she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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