at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
