I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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