2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize