No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
