using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
