Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
