why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
high people should be assigned attendants
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
