went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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