your parents love me but you hate me
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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