He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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