good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
