You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
