so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
