Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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