why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
