moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize