Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize