Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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