My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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