I think I died a long time ago.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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