who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
