I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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