so that wasnt chicken after all
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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