ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
