Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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