so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
