You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
