Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
