Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
