y did u give ur computer a hand job?
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
This baby is an asshole
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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