doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize