No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
