Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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