Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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