Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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