she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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