I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
too bad you live with your parents still
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
