in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I think I sprained my soul last night
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Such a big mess for such a small penis
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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