I must be too annoying 4 u.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
