I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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