I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
