YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
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