Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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