I'm really into asian looking animals
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
