I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
