Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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