I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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