TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize