Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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