Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
