she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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