Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
