Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
