bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
