The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
