Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
