Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
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Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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