Who did Billy Mays play for?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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