My hand turned me down
I seem to have left my pride at pride
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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