i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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