I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
