I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
