where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
she pinky promised me she was 18
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
