I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
