DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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