I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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