Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Is it because I queefed?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
