I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
