Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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